To offer Essay R feedback to improve his essay, I would begin by telling the author that his thoughts and ideas seemed to be relevant but they needed more organization. He should have also made his thesis clear in the essay rather than state it as his title. It appeared as though his thesis was geared towards the idea that wrestling has changed since the 80’s compared to present day. With this thesis in mind, the author should have mentioned more significant differences between the two time periods. Instead, he blended wrestling from the 80’s and the 90’s together, which seemingly were not the same.
I would also suggest to the author that he needs a clear view of his audience. His audience could have not been to a group of wrestling fans because they would obviously recognize the changes wrestling has gone through over time. He should be more aware to explain some of his thoughts or even the names of some of the wrestlers he mentioned. Essay R should also contained more evidence to support his thesis. One web source that was mentioned only in the second paragraph was not a primary source to allow the audience to support or believe his proclamations. With more structural organization, formality, grammatical and spelling corrections, Essay R could be much improved.
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